My past and how it affected my lifestyle now.
I’ve realized how busy I’ve been the past few months.
One way to look at it is how ”successful” I’ve been, since this IS what I wanted. I wanted to be busy because I wanted to stop being the guy who couldn’t move on; the one who always waited for his high school friends to have time for him so we could all go out and have fun. If this was American Pie, I’d be Stifler: the guy who never matured with the way he thinks.
So here I’ve been, making the most of my time, not wasting a single hour. Now that I’m here, though, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I’ve been doing this to run away. To run away from all the things I’ve been expecting for YEARS to happen even though I’ve always known the chance was low.
Sure, I got tired of waiting for them. In fact, it’s not even something I deny anymore. It’s something I’ve accepted, which for me is good, since now I don’t have any internal contradiction to deal with. However, I think I’ve cornered myself to having not much free time now.
Not much time for my girlfriend, for my family, or for my friends.
The gym. I started going to the gym ever since I broke up with my first girlfriend. Of course, being the immature and insecure guy I was, I thought that MAYBE a reason why the break-up happened was because of my physical appearance, so I dealt with it.
Dance class. I didn’t want to miss dancing, and I didn’t want to “lose my moves”, so I signed up for dance classes. I knew it was gonna take up my time, but I wanted it. Dancing has been one way of how I’ve managed to express how I feel about my life. Cheesy but true.
OJT. I actually felt nice that I had OJT this year. Besides gym and my dance class, I didn’t know how to make much of my time productive.
I currently don’t know how to deal with all this I’ve put myself into. But I’ll find a way. I have to.